is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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