I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
