i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I wish i was in the wii world.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
