And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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