I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Operation Purity has been aborted
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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