he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
