what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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