You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
