Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
