I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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