The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
