I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Randomize
