I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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