Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
my liver is dry heaving
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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