Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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