I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
