I could have mohawked her pubes.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
