How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
whose parrot is this?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
