I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
