I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
