there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
