zippers are such a cool invention
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
