Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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