I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
