our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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