It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
