I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
