But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
