Your tits are I can't wait for
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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