and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
