hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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