I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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