he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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