I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
