im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
