and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
