My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
