Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
