Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
