Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
