im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
