You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
