Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
