drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
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