I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
