Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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