Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
