what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
