I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
