No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
