I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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