There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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