she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
